I've done my first 3 training rides.  They've gone well.  Super well.  Surprisingly well.  I couldn't be happier...or more relieved.   tfirst 2 were 10 miles each, and the second one felt effortless in comparison to the first.  The 3rd was 24 and 4 miles longer than we intended but we made it nonetheless.  It was my first glimmer that I might actually be able to pull this feat off. 

Yesterday marked exactly one year since I first saw a doctor capable of helping me figure out what was wrong and knew how to help me.  Ironic that it fell the day after the milestone of the hardest I'd taxed my body since being in bed more days than not last year.  Even on days I wasn't in bed, my body struggled to stay awake, stay upright, even standing brought on the strong urge to curl up on the floor and sleep. 

This morning I remembered how I used to have a strong fascination with bike commuters.  Especially the ones out before dawn in the dark and cold and wet of an Oregon winter.  I'd rubberneck regularly to follow their movement as long as possible.  I was curious in a way I could not find words or meaning for.  In hindsight it mirrored other parts of my life where I'd found these unconscious curiosities, when followed, would lead me down rabbit holes, back to joys of childhood play to deep connections and healing practices I'd need to continue.  For me, there is a tangible energy, or recognizable vibration when I'm "on the right track.  I can't explain it any better than that.  The common elements are curiosity, excitement, and a bit of fear. 

Becoming a bike commuter was one of those experiences.  It was a plate of everything almost every trip.  No matter how much my mind dreaded hitting the dark, cold streets at 5:30am, within 5 minutes I was a 10 year old on an adventure and taking in every sight and sound around me.  There was an unexpected sense of danger in the darkness.  I had to watch the road for texture a bit more closely and I usually couldn't see more than a few feet in front of me.  Somehow it made the predictability and routine of adult life more tolerable.  It was also the perfect transition between home and work, and work and home.  By the time I arrived at either place my head was on straight. 

In getting back on my bike this week to train for Cycle Oregon, and on a lightning fast road bike I feel a joy and aliveness returning to my body I have not felt in many, many years.   Week 2 of training looks to be a wet one but BRING IT ON!